Stupidity: A Study

Seen on ESPN this evening...

"Hi! I'm Jessica Alba, star of Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer. Coming up on Sportscenter, I'll tell you what Eva Longoria has in common with me."

I'm sorry...did you say Sportscenter? Cause it looks like I'm watching E! Exclamation Point Television.

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Seen on Lou Dobbs Tonight on CNN this evening...

Some guy commenting on the story of a judge who is suing a dry cleaner for 54 million dollars for losing his pants: "Why doesn't he just sue them for 54 billion dollars? Or 54 TRILLION dollars?!"

Because, Dr. Evil, that would be stupid.

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Speaking of stupid...

SCENE
A summer afternoon in a quiet college town. A man is driving home from work. He gets a call on his cell phone and answers.

HUSBAND: Hello?

WIFE: Hey.

HUSBAND: Hey.

WIFE: Could you stop at the grocery store and get some cheese for me? I need it to make dinner.

HUSBAND: Sure, no problem.

SCENE
20 minutes later at HUSBAND and WIFE's home. HUSBAND walks in and hands a grocery sack to WIFE, who has begun cooking dinner.

WIFE (looking through the sack): Why is there beef jerky in here?

HUSBAND: Oh, I bought it from this kid standing at the door to the store. He was selling stuff to raise money for some organization he was volunteering for.

WIFE: What organization?

HUSBAND: I don't know. Something that keeps kids out of gangs, he said.

WIFE: Really? They were selling beef jerky?

HUSBAND: Yeah. He said he just had a few left to sell and that if he sold everything he had he'd get to go to the amusement park.

WIFE: How much was it?

HUSBAND: Five bucks.

WIFE (incredulously): Five bucks?!

HUSBAND: Yeah.

(a slight pause)

WIFE: Who was he with?

HUSBAND: I don't know, some group that keeps kids out of gangs...

WIFE: No, I mean was anybody with him?

(a slight pause)

HUSBAND: No.

WIFE: Did he have a sign or something?

(a longer pause)

HUSBAND: No...

WIFE: Was he sitting at a table?

HUSBAND: (as if slowly coming to a realization) He was just standing outside the door...

(WIFE looks at HUSBAND)

HUSBAND: (defensively) Well, you don't know. You don't know that he...

(HUSBAND doesn't finish his sentence)

(WIFE continues to look at HUSBAND)

HUSBAND: He said they were keeping kids out of gangs!

WIFE: In this town?!

HUSBAND: (weakly) Yeah...

WIFE: When was the last time you heard about a gang shooting here?

(another pause)

HUSBAND: Well, the kid was black...

WIFE: (after a double-take at HUSBAND) What does that mean?

(pause)

HUSBAND: I don't know...

(a longer pause)

HUSBAND: (again) He said they were keeping kids out of gangs!!

WIFE: (turns back to cooking dinner) No, he wasn't.

(an even longer pause)

HUSBAND: I just helped pay for some kid's XBOX, didn't I?

(WIFE doesn't say anything)

HUSBAND: (walking away dejectedly) Dammit...